By Far the Greatest Football "Musical Top 10" (Part 2: 5–1)

Welcome to part 2 of the By Far The Greatest Football Top 10 of our countdown of football and music moments — the tracks that prove the beautiful game and pop culture have always shared a wonderfully awkward dancefloor. From Simply Red’s forgotten Euro 96 anthem to Scotland’s bagpipe pop and The Fall’s cult classic Theme from Sparta FC, this is football’s weirdest mixtape, numbers five through one.

5: We’re In This Together: Simply Red

Think of Euro 96 and there’s only one song you think of. Okay Three Lions might have picked up a bit of airplay, but the true song of Euro 96 is We’re In This Together by Simply Red. Surely.

No, I had never heard of this either.

Chosen as the official song for Euro 96, We’re In This Together is pretty turgid stuff – even by Simply Red standards. Some people must have heard of it and liked it because it got to number 11 in the charts – and number 8 in the Czech Republic. But for most people, the song got lost in the euphoria of Three Lions.

If you can stay with the video long enough, look out for the most literal piece of choreography since Trevor Peake blew his whistle on Blue Peter, on 1m 50s as Mick Hucknell takes his sunglasses off in time with the “my eyes are open” line.

That’s about as dramatic as it gets, though the video can be added to the vaults of footage of football being recreated on screen, which while having all the components of the game, somehow looks nothing like it. At one point a referee walks out of the tunnel with six linesmen, presumably because the director though six is better than two.

“Simply Red performing We’re In This Together, Euro 96’s official song."

4. Gloryland (USA 1994) - Daryl Hall and the Sounds of Blackness

If you hadn’t heard of We’re In This Together, then you really won’t have heard of Gloryland - the official theme tune to the 1994 World Cup held in the USA.

It’s the same sentiment as Mick Hucknell’s effort, but suitably souped-up for a US audience – think We Are The World to Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas.

Daryl Hall was recruited for lead vocals on a song which makes you think Oates was doing a lot of the heavy lifting back in the day. Hall goes full Michael Bolton on Gloryland and the song is given extra heft by the backing of soulful, gospel ensemble Sounds of Blackness. But for all the undoubted vocal power on show, the song made little headway – bar reaching the charts in the Netherlands for some reason.

In fairness, the song will probably ring a bell or two for some as ITV used it as the theme music to their coverage of the World Cup in 1994. But somehow when Daryl Hall is pumping out those vocals with all his might, he probably never envisaged he would essentially be the warm-up act for Matt Lorenzo.

“Daryl Hall and the Sounds of Blackness performing Gloryland, USA 1994 World Cup.”

3. Portsmouth – Mike Oldfield

Nobody can be in any doubt as to what a difficult place Fratton Park is to play. You only have to look at Portsmouth’s night and day home and away record season – nine wins at Fratton, two wins when they have ventured off the south coast.

A proper old-school ground, with a vociferous and noisy home crowd close to the pitch, when it is rocking Fratton Park is arguably the most intimidating place for an away team to visit in the English leagues.

So how on earth do they achieve this air of hostility when they play Mike Oldfield’s Portsmouth before kick-off?

There is something wholly incongruous about throwing into such a feisty atmosphere this jaunty reworking of the folk song by multi-instrumentalist Oldfield – a man who’s other credits include the equally edgy updating of the Blue Peter theme tune.

Back in 1976, when the song was riding high in the top three of the charts, it all made sense. If you are Pompey, why wouldn’t you play a big hit called Portsmouth before the game? But because it’s an instrumental and there is no mention of Portsmouth in the song, that link is lost to anyone born in this century and it just seems like a really random song to play in the pre-match build-up frenzy.

In a similar vein, the theme tune to Z-Cars, which Everton and Watford walk out to, dates back even further and means nothing to a Netflix generation. The players might as well be coming on to the theme from The Bill. Actually, why hasn’t anyone done that?

2. We Have A Dream – 1982 Scotland World Cup

If you are going to record a novelty football song for a World Cup, then you should at the very least throw yourself into it and do it properly. Ahead of the 1982 World Cup in Spain, and while England went with the safe, worthy and V-neck jumper-rich Fly The Flag, Scotland saw it for what it was, and called in BA Robertson.

Robertson had a track record in quirky novelty hits, both performing them himself and penning the likes of I Just Wanna Be A Winner for Noel Edmonds’ Swap Shop band Brown Sauce and Wired For Sound for - oh hang on, that wasn’t novelty record was it.

In fairness Scotland could hardly have gone serious given the humble pie they were still eating after the over-confidence in Argentina four years earlier and Ally’s Tartan Army. For We Have A Dream Robertson gives star billing to Jon Gordon Sinclair – fresh out of Gregory’s Girl – and he hams it up to the hilt with John Wark and co on chorus.

On that basis, we should reach Travis and Let’s Be Realistic, It’s Not Going To Happen in time for next year’s World Cup.

The “John Robertson who normally takes them, is handing the ball to me” line provides the opportunity for some trademark literal choreography in their Top of the Pops performance. Throw in some obligatory tartan and bagpipes, and job done. It reached number five in the charts.

Aside from a strange yearning to see how this and Gloryland might sound if Daryl Hall and Jon Gorden Sinclair swapped over, this is notable as the first step in the gradual lowering of expectations of Scotland World Cup songs. By France 1998 Del Amitri was imploring Scotland Don’t Come Home Too Soon. On that basis, we should reach Travis and Let’s Be Realistic, It’s Not Going To Happen in time for next year’s World Cup.

“Scotland 1982 World Cup squad performing We Have A Dream.”

1. Theme from Sparta FC – The Fall

It is quite an achievement to produce a football song that isn’t, how can I put it, a bit shit.

New Order can probably lay claim to this with World in Motion, which revived the flagging football World Cup song formula. So too can Baddiel and Skinner’s Three Lions. Both manage to be far cooler than naff.

However, this top 10 isn’t going to start becoming populist, so in the spirit of cult which has dominated the countdown so far, top spot goes to the Theme from Sparta FC by The Fall.

The song stands up for itself – becoming a regular in the set-list (their second most played live song according to Steve Pringle’s You Must Gel Them All tomb on The Fall).

Manchester City fan Mark E Smith, The Fall’s frontman and only constant – the line-up would change more often than Watford managers – wrote the song imagining what it would be like supporting a Greek football team. While there was a Sparta FC playing in the Greek region of Laconia at the time, there is no sign of any direct connection with the team, and the only football references are about Chelsea and Galatasaray as rivals.

However, not only is the Theme from Sparta FC about football, it was also used by it. The song was the theme to the BBC’s Final Score results programme – following in the footsteps of the Miami Vice theme tune and That’s Just The Way It Is by Bruce Hornsby and the Range, over which Des Lynam used to talk through Coventry scoring a late equaliser at Everton in the headlines.

It also prompted the surreal sight of Smith being invited onto Final Score to read the football results. This must have seemed like a great idea on paper, the opportunity for him to read Arsenal one-ah, Everton nil-ah in his trademark vocal style. But it turns out he reads them quite straight and there are quite a lot of results to read out and he kind of loses the thread long before he gets to the end of League Two. They wisely stopped short of the Rymans Premier League.

Ever the maverick, in the chat afterwards Smith offers little more insight into the song and spends most of the time questioning Ray Stubbs over his number one haircut, completing a suitably surreal moment of television history.

“Mark E Smith from The Fall reads out the classified football results.”

Listen To The Podcast

Join Graham Dunn and Jamie Rooney as they wrap up the Top 10 Musical Football Moments — from forgotten Euro 96 anthems to The Fall’s cult Sparta FC theme and Scotland’s finest novelty hit.

👉 Listen on Spotify | Listen on Apple Podcasts

Further Listening

We cover Simply Red’s official song in one of our two deep dive podcasts into the summer of Euro 96; come for the Mick Hucknell, stay for our great run through England’s Euro 96 run with Steve Double.